it's always the mother's fault
Being a mom is a lot of responsibility. It can come with a dose of guilt, a constant sense of scrutiny, and an endless stream of second-guessing everything.
Apparently, if you listen to the leaders of the United States, it can even come with wondering if you may have caused autism in your child by taking the only approved medicine for pain or fever during your pregnancy. 1
Side note: autism isn’t a “bad” thing. It’s just a different way of thinking, and something people still don’t understand.
Anyway, the truth is that mothers have been blamed for just about everything throughout history. Here are some examples:
Looking at the wrong thing while pregnant supposedly causes birthmarks or birth defects.2
Being too overprotective can apparently cause asthma in your child.3
Being too angry during breastfeeding? Well, you may be the entire reason your baby has colic. 4
Having too strong emotions during pregnancy has been said to be physically damaging to the baby. 5
Craving too much of a food during pregnancy has been believed to cause a birthmark or birth defect. 6
Being a witch (even unknowingly!), can cause your child to be cursed. 7
Not being “warm” has also been blamed for autism in children (aka Refrigerator Mothers). 8
Not breastfeeding? Then you may be the reason your child has obesity or diabetes later in life. 9
Witchcraft is causing the seizures in your baby. 10
Taking Tylenol, the only approved medicine for pain or fever management during pregnancy, can cause autism in your child. 11
Society has found a way to place blame on mothers time and time again before a child is even born. And when the child is born, the judgment doesn’t stop.
It shapeshifts. Intensifies. Becomes a constant criticism of our every choice, our priorities, our careers, our relationships, our emotions, and our every tiny decision.
But here’s the thing. If mothers are powerful enough to be blamed for every bad thing that happens, then shouldn’t we be powerful enough to take credit for the good things that happen, too?
We are the ones raising resilient, creative, compassionate human beings. We are helping to shape culture in a thousand invisible ways through our love, labor, advocacy, and presence. We are the backbone of communities and our families.
No matter how much society tries to shame or silence us, we can refuse to carry that burden. We can stand up and demand more instead of being “kept in our places.” If everything is our fault, why is there not more built-in support?
We can push back against this narrative by naming it, refusing to ruminate on every perceived failure, and instead claiming the credit we deserve and asking for more.
More support, more safety for our children, more accountability for those who want to point fingers and place blame.
In the meantime, let’s continue to do our best, which is more than enough.
References
Here’s one of many links that shows it is an approved medication for pregnancy: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/pregnancy-safe-medications
Weingarten K. From Maternal Impressions to Eugenics: Pregnancy and Inheritance in the Nineteenth-Century U.S. J Med Humanit. 2022 Jun;43(2):303-317. doi: 10.1007/s10912-020-09667-x. Epub 2020 Oct 24. PMID: 33098003.
Parker, G., & Lipscombe, P. (1979). Parental overprotection and asthma. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 23(5), 295-299. https://doi.org/10.1016/0022-3999(79)90034-5
Kheir A. E. (2012). Infantile colic, facts and fiction. Italian journal of pediatrics, 38, 34. https://doi.org/10.1186/1824-7288-38-34 (Retraction published Ital J Pediatr. 2014 Mar 11;40(1):9. doi: 10.1186/1824-7288-40-9.)
Coussons-Read M. E. (2013). Effects of prenatal stress on pregnancy and human development: mechanisms and pathways. Obstetric medicine, 6(2), 52–57. https://doi.org/10.1177/1753495X12473751
Obladen, Michael, and Michael Obladen, ‘Birthmark and blemish: The doctrine of maternal imagination’, Oxford Textbook of the Newborn: A Cultural and Medical History, Oxford Textbooks in Paediatrics (Oxford, 2021; online edn, Oxford Academic, 1 Aug. 2021), https://doi.org/10.1093/med/9780198854807.003.0026, accessed 29 Sept. 2025.
Obladen M. Possessed by evil spirits: a history of seizures in infancy. J Child Neurol. 2014 Jul;29(7):990-1001. doi: 10.1177/0883073813488660. Epub 2013 May 13. PMID: 23670245.
Fitzgerald, Michael. (2020). The History of Blaming the Mother for Psychopathology in Psychiatry. 10.13140/RG.2.2.28207.07848.
Stuebe A. (2009). The risks of not breastfeeding for mothers and infants. Reviews in obstetrics & gynecology, 2(4), 222–231.
Fitzgerald, Michael. (2020). The History of Blaming the Mother for Psychopathology in Psychiatry. 10.13140/RG.2.2.28207.07848.
https://www.whitehouse.gov/articles/2025/09/fact-evidence-suggests-link-between-acetaminophen-autism/