Three Ways to Stress Less During the Holidays —Without Sacrificing the Memories
The holidays are tricky. Sure, they are can be filled with carols, trees, and fancy lights. But let’s not discount the stress that comes with them.
Holiday blues are actually a thing. “The holiday blues are defined as temporary feelings of anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness, and other negative emotions.” [1] They can happen to anyone—even the quintessential flannel-wearing Hallmark characters who are usually the ones to help others remember the meaning of Christmas.
And, if you think about it, it makes sense. There’s so much pressure to be happy. Pressure to spend money that people may not have. Pressure for unrealistic expectations (Hello again, Hallmark Movies!). Maybe even a reminder of memories you’d rather not think of—or futile attempts to recreate memories from the past.
PS - I love watching Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies, so while I do poke fun at them, please know I am going to be snuggled up on my couch later watching “Crown for Christmas” for the 50th time.
So, let’s get down to it. How can we stress less during the holidays without sacrificing the memories we want to create with our families?
How to Stress Less During the Holidays
1: Know Your Limits and Accept Them
Does your work holiday party coming up sound like your personal nightmare? Like, truly, deeply, only feelings of pure resentment? Okay, then, don’t go. If it sounds simple, that’s because it is.
But—don’t do that thing where you think you don’t want to go and then regret that you didn’t go the minute it starts.
This takes a bit of soul-searching, but you will know the right answer. For example, you may not feel like driving twelve hours to a chaotic family Christmas event, but you’ll know deep down if it’s something you want/need to do.
The most freeing thing you can do is identify what you want and need around the holidays and accept that. Please keep in mind it is best to communicate your limits to others.
You don’t have to explain why you don’t want to go to your controlling boss’s holiday party, but you probably should at least RSVP “no.”
On the other hand, if you know you’re going to go to an event, but you really hate it when it’s time to go caroling around the neighborhood or whatever, tell your family that in advance, and be ready to stand your ground.
The other part is knowing and accepting other people’s limits. This goes both ways!
2: Be Realistic
It’s not going to be perfect. Nothing ever is.
Sometimes, you may not live around family or have family, or your circumstances may keep you at a place where you can’t do what you want for Christmas. Or to where you’re feeling downright lonely.
First of all, realize that you aren’t alone. There’s an interactive map from 2023 that shows how many people will be spending Christmas alone. But, out of those surveyed, some of them had plans still, like:
Binge-watching movies
Spending time on a hobby
Cooking
Volunteering
So, many people are spending the holidays feeling lonely [3]. And focusing on that loneliness can actually hurt your health [4].
Engaging with the community is a big part of combatting loneliness, even though it sounds like such a chore!
Lonely or not, the most important thing is to make the holidays your own. It’s incredibly hard not to focus on the “it” gifts of the season or the stress of the holiday travel. But the more you can make it enjoyable for yourself and your family, the better it is. And realizing in advance that, yeah, you might be sitting in awful traffic. Or, yeah, you might get into a fight with your in-laws about something (hopefully not politics). And that’s okay.
How to Create Lasting Family Holiday Memories Without Stress
3: Revisit Your Definition of “Good Memories”
Think about some of your favorite memories. I don’t know about you, but the “perfect” memories I have of Christmas are more of a vibe and less of a “stand-out moment.”
They aren’t stories I’ll tell around a dinner table. They are general traditions I will want to carry on to my own family, like oranges at the bottom of our stockings or choosing one present to open on Christmas Eve.
But some of my best memories are the ones that weren’t necessarily good at that moment. Like the time my entire family got a big slice of pecan pie only to realize it was walnut (and not good), and we all tried to display our best poker face when the person who made it came over to ask how we liked it. Or the time when I was like 8 or something, and I begged Santa for a high-end vacuum cleaner. Or when I was little, like 3, all I wanted was a bar of soap. My mom got a kick out of that one—she made an ornament from the box the soap came in.
The point is—memories don’t have to be perfect. Holidays don’t have to be perfect. The important thing is being with your loved ones, even if they sometimes drive you nuts.
References
(i’m getting lazy on reference formatting—sorry)
1 https://truecare.org/blog/holiday-blues-managing-your-mental-health-during-the-holidays/
2 https://www.nami.org/press-releases/mental-health-and-the-holiday-blues/
3 https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-12866397/Christmas-interactive-map-alone.html
4 Cacioppo, J. T., & Cacioppo, S. (2018). The growing problem of loneliness. The Lancet, 391(10119), 426. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(18)30142-9