From One Mom to Another
Hey, everyone. It's been a while since I've posted a blog, and honestly, it's because I've been struggling.
My mind is spiraling into a "not enough" mindset, and it's been hard to break out of. Examples:
I'm not a good enough mom. Not a good enough wife.
I'm not doing enough for my family since being laid off.
I'm too lazy in my third trimester and not taking good enough care of my baby.
I'm too moody in my third trimester and not showing my toddler all the love he deserves.
I've done nothing with this "extra time" since being laid off. I've started lots of things but finished none. (Thanks, ADHD.)
Other moms and women are better than I am.
I'll never be good enough.
So, yeah. It's not the best mindset—and I know it. I've felt like an imposter trying to post here about being more mindful, centered, and a better parent by paying attention to your emotions because I can't seem to shake out of my funk.
Does any of this sound familiar to you all? If so, I hope I can help. Thanks to some of my friends and family and my own self-reflection, I've started to dig my way out.
Friends and family can't do the work for you. You have to do it on your own, but you can do it easier with support.
Realize Your Worth
Being a mom is hard—rewarding, yes, but hard, too. You're never "off duty." Even though my kiddo is still going to preschool during the day, I have found plenty to do (or berate myself for not doing) around the house to make it better for my family.
How have we been living like this?
I wonder why I never did anything about it. The maddening clutter, the dust bunnies in the corners, the neglect of tasks like simple thank-you notes.
The point is that it's easy to see what you aren't doing daily and find more to add to your to-do list. What's more challenging for most of us is recognizing everything we are doing.
Embracing Imperfection
My family is loved, and they know it. My family and I spend time together every night, laughing and having fun together in our own way. We have plenty to eat. We have a lovely (albeit messy) home. My son gets all the cuddles he wants in the world.
No, I can't clean the house when I'm spending time snuggled up with my 4-year-old. And that's okay.
Mom, that goes for you, too. You're doing a lot. Everyone is asking a lot of you and pulling you in all directions. It's okay not to have everything perfect if you focus on what matters most.
Welcome Support
Reaching out and accepting support is essential. Tell someone how you are feeling--no one can read your mind.
Accepting support and help has always been difficult for me. I've always been an independent soul, preferring to do things on my own.
I remind myself that humans are naturally social, and no one can do everything alone.
That being said, no one can do the work for you and pull you out of your mental spirals.
However, they can give you a helping hand out of it.
So, Mom, take the hands of others looking to support you. It's okay.
Celebrate Often
I forget to celebrate the small things quite often. I unloaded the dishwasher; great, now I have to load it all. I cleaned a corner of the house; cool, now there are 500 other corners to clean.
This mindset sets me up to be a grumpy mom forever. I always look at what needs to be done instead of what I have accomplished. I often only celebrate big things instead of the small day-to-day things.
So, Mom, my advice to us is to celebrate the small things. Get your kid to school on time? Freakin' awesome! Feed your kids today? Fantastic! Did you clean anything today? You're rocking it.
Celebrate the small stuff because nothing is really that small. It all takes energy, and our energy is limited.
Reach Out More
It's easy to stay in my little bubble and not try to make other friends—that's my default. But if starting this blog has taught me anything, it's that other moms crave connection with other adults just as much as I do.
So, Mom, don't play "chicken" with other moms. Be open to talking to others and encouraging them. You won't click with everyone, and that's okay.
Build relationships.
Work on finding your village.
It's there waiting for us, but we must take that first step.
Remember Yourself
As moms, we can easily get swept away with the day-to-day. Before we know it, it's been days since we had a moment to ourselves or a shower longer than three minutes.
No wonder we feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, and exhausted a lot of the time.
Sometimes, it's impossible to find time for myself. I have to remind myself that to find time, I often have to ask for it using my support system. And if they aren't available, I'll sometimes tell my toddler mommy needs some quiet time. That doesn't always work, ha!
The point is, Mom, care for yourself, too. Find time.
That's All For Now
That's all I can think of right now. I'm off to follow my own advice and continue digging myself out of this hole.
You're doing great, Mom. We're doing great. Hang in there, and send yourself some love in the process.